stammerheadshark * blog about living with an acquired neurogenic stammer

Crisis averted!

Posted on: July 11, 2009

Speech is finally back after being AWOL for nearly 4 days. I’ll tell you, it’s pretty freaking scary.

Just being able to get more than a grunt out (even if my speech is still littered with repetitions) is such a relief.

That’s the longest it’s disappeared for; usually it’s just for a day, two at most when I get distressed. The vocal chords just seize up completely and it’s just a case of waiting…waiting for it all to come back again.It’s so weird. It’s almost like someone flicks a switch and it all comes back again. Okay, the stutter’s there but at least I’m not having to write everything down on scraps of paper everytime I want to tell someone something. It’s incredibly inconvenient.

I can see why babies cry so much! If there’s no other way to tell people you need something, it seems pretty effective!

Do you know what I’m most grateful for? The fact that I can write again. Honestly, without it the past few days would have been all the more isolating.

Up until only a couple of months or so ago I still couldn’t write properly after the accident. Not only was my speech out of whack, but I’d lost coordination with my hand to write. Seriously, anything I tried to write looked like a 4-year-old had written it.

I think in a way that upset me more than the stammer initially. I just kept thinking, “But, I have really nice handwriting – where’s it gone?!” It hadn’t sunk in at that point that the stammer wouldn’t necessarily be a temporary thing.

I guess it’s down to the years of playing rugby. Quite a few of our girls got concussion from time to time and a temporary stutter onset by the brain injury wasn’t a shock to encounter – those girls’ stutters always disappeared in a couple of hours or days. So I just assumed that mine would be no different. WRONG!

Crazy really, years of injuries playing quite a dangerous sport and nothing like this ever happened to me – and then I bump my head in the shower one morning and my life is turned upside down. Pfft.

Anyway, I’ll sleep better tonight knowing that it’s back. That I’m not reliant on pen and paper to communicate with people. Even if the stammer’s there, at least I can actually speak again. Let’s hope it doesn’t happen again for a while.


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