stammerheadshark * blog about living with an acquired neurogenic stammer

Just when everything was going so well…

Posted on: August 17, 2009

I’m absolutely livid.

Whilst cycling home from work, a couple of boys threw a rock at me and hit me in the neck. I yelped, but not much more sound came out than that.

It really hurt, and wasn’t a particularly small rock either. What I’m most upset about is I don’t know who I’m more angry with; these prats for hurting me without cause, or my inability to be able to defend myself verbally.

I didn’t know what to do for the best. Stunned and angry, I was torn between getting off my bike and going after them in between the houses; in which case they’d have either run off (which they did after hearing me yelp) and I’d have been unable to catch them, or my bike or bag could have got stolen in the meantime.

And anyway, even if I had caught them, as tempted as I was to whallop them in return to the rock I’d received in the gullet, they’d probably have done me more damage or I would have been held liable for attacking a couple of boys younger than myself.

That aside, what could I have said? They would have just laughed in my face as soon as I started to stammer at them, that is if I could have got any words out in the first place.

I just tried to stay calm and get home without having an accident, and hoping desperately that I wouldn’t lose my speech again. Well, fortunately I didn’t.

But the fact remains, today I was attacked without provocation. Two spineless youths with nothing better to do thought it’d be funny. And as they ran off laughing, I was cursing myself and this damn stutter of mine for not being able to stand up for myself.

Not even being able to shout after them. And not wanting to feel more humiliated by drawing attention to myself on the street with a stuttery shout. Not that shouting even works particularly well with a stammer.

Moreover, frustrated that as hard as I try to avoid getting myself in dangerous situations where I might incur another head injury, it’s all out of my control anyway.

Thank goodness I wear a dippy cycle helmet, and even luckier, that they didn’t land the rock a few inches higher. Who knows what an impact like that could do to me these days?

I don’t want to have to constantly worry for my safety, but incidents like this just make me all the more cautious. And those little pricks probably have no idea, to them it’s a one big joke.

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3 Responses to "Just when everything was going so well…"

I understand you here. I don’t like confrontation, I can never express what my problem is.

I try to avoid confrontations as it often leads to a fight. As soon as I stutter, most people I am confronting start pushing my buttons. As I can’t express myself vocally I have a go physically. (Which unfortunately I am not particularly good at either heh.)

The only advice I can give you is that you could do some self defense classes, you will feel more confident in yourself and will handle yourself better when it comes to confrontations as you will not need to worry about your safety.

Sound advice Jason, but as a second row rugby player for well over a decade I’m more than comfortable handling myself!

I’d still rather fight my battles with words rather than fists, it’s just annoying that the words refuse to come out!

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