stammerheadshark * blog about living with an acquired neurogenic stammer

Speech Therapy Session – 21.08.09

Posted on: August 21, 2009

Where do you turn when no-one knows how to help?

That’s what I’ve been wondering today…if the very people who are professionally most capable of helping to regain my speech and reduce the stammer are ready to pass the buck, then is it likely that anyone will manage it?

I had speech therapy today after about a month of no sessions (she was on holiday etc) and after having been given an assessment in the neurology department at the hospital to determine if there was anything identifiable in the way my brain is now processing information, I’d been quite hopeful that speech therapy might have started to move finally somewhere.

That’s the problem though; I keep getting my hopes up and find them being dashed time and again. This time, by the sad realisation that they’ve simply run out of ideas how to help me.

The upshot of this is that they’re going to discharge me from speech therapy despite the fact that my stammer hasn’t altered, the stutter is identical as it was when I began going to speech therapy however many months ago.

And this is inspite of weekly attempts to find new routes into the brain, altering my speech in various ways to see if any of it has an effect on the stammer.

They’ve consulted speech therapists across Leicester, Nottingham and Birmingham and nothing. No new answers or suggestions.

She simply ended yet another unproductive session by asking where do I want to go from here, almost as if she’d resigned herself to having run out of ideas but not wanting to tell me I was being abandoned.

I’ve been told that they’ll be in touch if they get any brainwaves (no pun intended) about how they could treat the stutter, but essentially – ot to hold my breath.

Rationally, I know it makes complete sense. Why would you keep going to something if people aren’t sure how to treat you? If you had your hopes raised week after week that the stammer might just go away? There’s no point going if there’s not anything they feel they can do.

But emotionally, the sense just disappears and I feel abandoned. I feel sad that it’s come to this. At least while I was going to speech therapy I felt like people were actively trying to help make the stutter go away.

If I’m not being treated anymore, it’s like “that’s it” and that anybody who might have helped won’t be aware of my case.

I’m not angry, as I know that the people who’ve tried to treat my stammer have done everything they can possibly think of; they’ve gone beyond the call of duty, but in this case it’s just not been enough to make any impact.

And the thing is, it doesn’t seem likely that anything will ever have an impact on the stutter. While I try to resolve myself to that, it’s just sad to think of all the hopeful promises made by speech professionals that they’d change the nature of my stammer at the very least, if not eradicate it.

Well, for the time being at least it seems like neither will be likely. I’m stuck being stammerheadshark.


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