stammerheadshark * blog about living with an acquired neurogenic stammer

Posts Tagged ‘communicate

That’s what it says on the job specification. That, and every other spec of about a hundred that I’ve looked at.

I never thought that job hunting back home was ever going to be easy, especially in the midst of a recession; but I also hadn’t anticipated having my normal speech taken away from me so swiftly either.

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So it’s not exactly been a fun few days, I’m not going to lie.

The robot voice deteriorated into speechlessness again, and I’ve spent the last three days having to write on scraps of paper to be able to communicate.

Which, you know, on the face of it doesn’t sound so bad, but it’s that kind of isolation like being lost at sea with no one there, so you write letters – except everyone still is there, it’s just they can’t take on board what you’re trying to say.

Events always seem to magnify the patheticness of having to resort to write when you can’t speak. Take, for example, the fact that my bike tyre got punctured.

I needed to have it fixed so I could attend my neurology appointment today – without it, I would have had to try to speak to a taxi or bus driver. Neither, I imagine, would have been particularly successful attempts.

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At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

I’m beyond cross. Guess whose speech has gone into hiding again? Bingo!  I think someone up there is playing one cruel joke. I really do.

I’ve had a really rough day; the worst night’s sleep on record last night, first day back at work after having swine flu (major shock to the system – I ache all over), rude people ringing up and informing me that “something’s wrong with the telephone connection” when I pick up, and then British Gas…

British Gas and their sodding voice recognition telephone services. Annoying at the best of times, but throw in a severe stammer and that computer’s got no clue what you’re trying to tell it.

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Well, I’m not quite Madonna but things have settled back down again.

No more babysitting, no more lack of internet, no more loss of speech and back to work after a week off.

After my speech disappearing again last Monday, it stayed in hiding until the Friday; and then just magically started to come back again. Sometimes I have no idea what my head is playing at, some kind of jape whatever it is.

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That’s what I’ve learnt over the past two days. I’d realised it before, but not so much as having lost my speech -again, second time in a fortnight; so not at all impressed – during the week I’m meant to be childminding my niece and nephew.

It’s infuriating that a 2-year-old is more intelligible than I am, horrible that they can’t even read what I want to communicate to them, and utterly soul destroying that because I can’t interact and reassure them as they want me to that they’re starting to find Auntie Jo boring.

This week was meant to be fun, some quality time with them – but really all I feel is despair. And I’m loathe to admit it. But, honestly – it’s the truth. Read the rest of this entry »


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